Dress Codes or Come As You Are?
Dress Codes or Come as You Are?
Matthew 22:1-14
October 11, 2026
Rev. Cynthia Cochran-Carney, First Presbyterian Church of San Rafael, CA
PDF OF SERMON BELOW
1 Then Jesus spoke to them again in parables. He said, "The kingdom of heaven is like this: 2there was a king who prepared a feast for the wedding of his son; 3 but when the king sent out servants to summon the invited guests, they wouldn't come. 4 The king sent other servants, telling them to say to the guests, 'I have prepared this feast for you. My oxen and fattened cattle have been slaughtered, and everything is ready; come to the wedding.' 5 But they took no notice; one went off to his farm, another to her business, 6 and the rest seized the servants, attacked them and killed them. 7 The king was furious and dispatched troops who destroyed those slayers and burned their town.
8 "Then the king said to the servants, 'The wedding feast is ready, but the guests I invited don't deserve the honor. 9 Go out to the crossroads in the town and invite everyone you can find.' 10 The servants went out into the streets and collected everyone they met, good and bad alike, until the hall was filled with guests. 11 The king, however, came in to see the company at the tables, and noticed one guest who was not dressed for a wedding. 12 'My friend,' said the king, 'why are you here without a wedding garment?' But the guest was silent. 13 Then the king said to the attendants, 'Bind this guest hand and foot, and throw the him out into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'
There’s the story of the pastor giving a children’s sermon, where every week the children anticipate him making a new point about Jesus. This particular week he begins by holding up a stuffed squirrel and asking, “Boys and girls, do you know what this is?” Silence. The pastor asks again. Silence. Finally, one little boy is bold enough to shyly raise his hand and offer, “Pastor, I know the answer is Jesus, but it sure looks like a squirrel to me.”
I want to suggest that something like that is happening for us in this parable. We are accustomed to reading biblical parables that Jesus tells when he uses kings or lords as symbols for God. And a wedding feast that will be welcoming with a gracious host. So as soon as he begins, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king…,” the traditional interpretation is we hear this king as God.
But Jesus goes on with the story. He describes hideous behavior on the part of this king. Some folks don’t come when he throws a wedding banquet for his son, so he blows them all away. He sends soldiers who kill them all and destroy their city. When the folks who are left in his kingdom hear what this king does to people who turn him down, they go. It is no wonder that the king’s servants have success in filling his banquet hall the second time around.
And that’s not all. The parable goes on with one more shocking scene. The king comes in inspecting his guests and notices one who didn’t fear the king enough at this point to dress in his best clothes possible, in his wedding garment. This crazy king goes off again and throws the man out into the darkness, bound hand and foot. Matthew adds one of his favorite phrases about weeping and gnashing of teeth.
So here we are, assuming Jesus is telling a parable in which the king is God, but we hear instead the picture of a king which does not fit the picture of the God we see in the life and ways of Jesus.
Is this a case like with the Children’s Sermon of expecting to see Jesus and hear good news, but instead seeing a squirrel? Is it a case, in other words, of expecting to see God when we hear “king” but Jesus instead giving us something very different? I think that it is. What if we look at interpreting this parable differently? Maybe there is more when we look at the context and understand what is going on in the Greek.
This is a difficult parable to read, difficult to understand, and difficult to hear as a meaningful expression of the gospel.
Maybe instead we need to take a second look and take seriously all the terrible details about how this king behaves. Sometimes a king is simply a king. In fact, in the human world of authority and power, this is the king we expect to find because human rulers are usually base their authority and power on fear and violence.
The Kingdom of the Heavens v. The Kingdom of a Human King
Rev. Mark Davis offers a better translation of beginning of parable is
Written in passive voice “This is what people say the Reign of God is like,…”
(You Chief Priests and Scribes act like this is true)
“The kingdom of the heavens has been likened to a human king, (two Greek nouns) who made a wedding for his son.”
We could say that Jesus begins this parable with,
“People often describe the kingdom of heaven as if God were like Herod.”
Invited guests did not attend as a protest
What if those invited did not come to the banquet as a sign of protest?
What if they did not drop everything and go because the promises of the king were false, or because in this king’s reign there was no justice?
What if they did not go to celebrate with the king because the king was not a king worthy of the title?
So the parable looks different when we use different lenses. If we see a king issuing the invitation, and the king’s son is the one getting married, then maybe this is not just a social event, but a political one. In that case, to refuse would not be a faux pas as much as a rebellion.
That puts the whole story in less of a ‘church wedding’ kind of setting and more of a critique of power and violence.
And it is a rebellion against all that is false, all that is only the king’s ego, against living a life of fear.
The king wants a big crowd. He tries a second time. The scene is driven more by the king’s affronted honor than by any inclusive graciousness toward the people who are now called to the banquet. Those who refused to come with the first invitation failed to demonstrate appropriate allegiance and honor toward him. So the the king is determined to reassert his honor, by filling the hall with “everyone you find.”
Jesus as unrobed guest
What is it like to look for Jesus, Christ and Good News in this story?
What if Jesus, what if Christ, is the one guest who refuses to accept the terms of the tyrannical king? The one guest who decides not to “wear the robe” of forced celebration and coerced mirth, the one guest whose silent resistance leaves the king himself “speechless,” and brings the whole sham feast to a thundering halt? This one will not play the game and is thrown out.
Maybe there are times we have felt we have to earn our place, earn Divine love and grace. Play the game of life. Prove we are worthy. And then something shifts. And we realize and know and experience that God’s love is unconditional. That we are beloved. Divine love and grace are gifts we live in. We turn away from invitations that lies instead of truth. We turn away from violence and hate. We resist. And embrace the truth of God’s deep love.
The parables of Jesus are supposed to surprise us, make us rethink our assumptions. Maybe make us uncomfortable. The parables are meant to show us who God is, and who God isn't. …. This parable may leave us puzzled and uncomfortable. People may think God is like that king, but Jesus is saying – No. This parable is about a very human king.
The Marriage Feast
So let’s set this sham marriage banquet aside. The symbol and image of true deep reign of God, the Beloved Community, is one of inclusive genuine feast, a banquet, a wedding party, where the genuinely gracious host invites all to the party.
Do you know how many times in the four Gospels eternal and abundant life is described as a banquet, a feast, a party, a wedding, the marriage feast? There are 15 different, direct allusions to eternal life, abundant life now being a great feast, celebration. Joy!
Do you know how many parables there are about eternal life being a courtroom or a judgment scene? One. Matthew 25.
Closing Richard Rohr writes: "In the New Testament, and particularly for Jesus, the most common image for what God is offering us is a banquet. It’s not a trophy, not a prize, not a reward reserved for later, but a participative and joyous party now. A banquet has everything to do with invitation and acceptance; it is never a command performance."
Rohr writes – “Jesus is always undercutting what we think is common sense. Most of the parables about wedding feasts call us to nondual thinking and to change our entire form of consciousness. “When you have a party, invite those who are poor, crippled, maimed, or blind, because the fact that they cannot pay you back will mean you are fortunate” (14:13)—because now you are inside of a different mind that will allow you to read all your life from a worldview of abundance instead of a worldview of scarcity. God is clearly into abundance and excess, and God’s genuine followers share in that largesse: first in receiving it and resting in it, then in allowing it to flow through them toward the world.”
May we, like Jesus the unrobed guest, have the holy courage to walk away from the false banquets of the world and choose instead the authentic places, feasts of connection where the Holy One offers abundant love and grace and joy. Amen.
Resources
Rev. Mark Davis, The Kingdom of the Heavens v. The Kingdom of a Human King,” Blog Oct. 4, 2026
https://leftbehindandlovingit.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-kingdom-of-heavens-v-kingdom-of.html
Rev. Janet Hunt, “The Wedding Banquet: Turning It Inside Out, “ October 8, 2017
https://dancingwiththeword.com/the-wedding-banquet-turning-it-inside-out/
Paul J. Nuechterlein, “When a Squirrel is Just a Squirrel,” Giardian Lectionary, Oct. 12, 2008
https://girardianlectionary.net/reflections/year-a/proper23a_2008_ser/
https://girardianlectionary.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Morris-Wedding-Banquet-Proper-23A.pdf
Richard Rohr, “Parables: The Wedding Banquets,” CAC, Nov. 25,2024
https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-wedding-banquets/
Debi Thomas, “The God Who Isn’t,” Journey with Jesus, Oct. 4, 2020
https://www.journeywithjesus.net/essays/2777-the-god-who-isn-t